Life Is Not Purgatory

Lost?
I was reviwing my old blog posts and came across the following personality test that I had taken almost a year ago. I was struck with just how true it is.



I have been adrift for a long time, ever since my failed incursion into post-secondary education. Yet, as the years pass, I find myself no closer to anchoring myself anywhere. I think I know what I want to do, yet the self-doubts caused by the academic failure still linger, thus I am concerned that another set of failures with sunder me - likely to happen if what I wthink I want to do, is as hollow as the academic goal I thought I had wanted.

Things That Go Bump In The Night
Hmmm... ooops. Two week run of posting at least every second days destroyed by a bad run of days.

The caffiene withdrawl really caught up to me on Thursday. It was a day from hell - absolutlty nothing seemed to be going my way. And just as I was about to leave I noted that some of the rooms we needed for the night were not clean. So I had to take a GSR with me and go clean them. Which was icing on the fecal cake that evening. I left work at 8:00pm (after arriving at 8:00am) and walked into Dave setting me off at BP's. It wasn't his fault I was having a bad day, but nevertheless I almost laid into him in public. So instead I left the table, then Wookie suggested I go for a walk to decompress. It sorta helped.

Friday wasn't much better, although I was more aware of how I was projecting myself outwardly, so I smiled more and joked around with my staff, even though I really wanted to take a chainsaw to many of them. Went for dinner with the significant other at the Sawmill and had really lacklustre service. I was not impressed at all. Although my orignal thaought was to write a letter I can't say how much was me, and how much was them.

Saturday - I slept and it was marvelous. The cafiiene withdrawl is both interfering in the quality of my sleep and increasing the quantity needed to sustain me. I can't wait until my blood chemistry normalizes and I can actually not feel tired all day. I went to Ages to use the last of my time card and tried a new game SW: Battlegrounds... (tres cool - I wish it would run on my machine). SO and I tried to go see 'Ray' at 7:00 but it was sold out so instead went for dinner and saw 'Shall We Dance' at 9:30. I think I am going to take lessons. Who would like to be my partner?

Had to haul my carcass to assign Housekeepers their rooms this morning and now I'm off to finish writing out Hamish from Ancient Powers in the afternoon and my characters out of Star Wars this evening. Thankfully the Controller let me defer the inventory until tommorow so I wont have to come back tnoght to do it.

Anyways - thats it for now. I hope to start another run of posting every second day at least.

Birthday Card
My co-workers and employees got me this card for my birthday:

[In sylized script with a sunrise background]
"On the day you were born a thunderous, glorious voice sounded from Heaven above and proclaimed to the entire earth below..."

[Openning the card]
"Oops!"

Happy Birthday to Me!
I'm twenty seven. I am twenty seven. I AM twenty seven. Hmm.... that doesn't feel right. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I should be finished my year articling as a lawyer and be well on my way to that Supreme Court appointment.

The Purgatory organizing team got together at Bauernschmaus to iron out some minor misscommuications and debrief ourselves over the recent overhaul of the game through the appointment the unexpected as Prince. The food was excellent, although I just realized that Anne is a vegetarian?! (How come I never noticed that before). Oooops!

I'm a little disapointed that Firefly is cancelled although, I can't blame Dave as Purgatory takes up alot of our time and creative energy. He is paid to be creative at work, while I am paid to be a drone. On the plus side this will free up two nights a month!

I figure I'm going to goto Ages and see it before it closes it's doors. I have six hours of a time card left so I mihgt as well spend much of my birthday with my Sherwood Park friends.

Hmm... I think I'll pontificate later tonight, I feel a big one coming on.

One Week To Go
The fate of the free world for the next four years will be deceided in a few select areas in the United States of America. The choice between Bush/Cheney or Kerry/Edwards is likely to be the most divisive and bitter elections in history. Regardless of who appears to be the winner on November 3rd, there will be accusations of vote fraud, lost or denied ballots and overtly partisan politics.

Of all the State Senators and Congressmen at the state level 49.7% are Republican, 49.3% are Democrats. This near-equal balance with each side ardently oppsed to the other indicates that the next four years will prove to be filled with acrimony and likely very unproductive in Washington D.C.

The question that needs to be asked is how much will it take for this political unrest to turn into civil unrest - perhaps even civil war? When George W. Bush was elected without a solid mandate from the people, it was beleived that he would adopt moderate policies and govern from the middle of the political spectrum. That didn't happen. If there is another close election that W loses the popular vote on, but still retains the presidency; or if Kerry wins the election and begins reversing W's policies, will there be a spark to ingite the volitile John Q. Public?

Either way, it is my sincere hope that regardless of which party wins that they will be able to coduct appointments in a non-partisan fashion... although I do not believe that is likely to happen.

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
- Romeo & Juliet, Prologue

Odd
That was odd, but I;m going to bed anyways.

Standing In The Way....


Which Buffy Musical Song Are You?
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Weekend Update
Saturday evening was great, although the mayhem we caused at the restaurant was awe inspiring. THen we went to the Roost to dance - and I had a blast although I nearly combusted on the dance floor it was so hot in there. I spent about 5 minutes outside cooling off in the -7 temperature + wind. I had to leave early bacuse I waorked in the morning, but we were there for about two hours and I danced for over half of it.

Sunday was painful, I waddled into work where my girls laughed at my expense. Ow! was I sore. Allthough I think I've decieded that I want to do that more often, dancing is good for me and I enjoy it - so why not? I did however, run into an old employee of mine who completed her transgender disorder changover, which means he is now officially a she. While I wish her well, I can't say standing next to a man I used to know who had been willinging castrade made me overly comfortable. YIKES! The Pain!

By lunch I arrived at Jeff's for gaming, tohopefully resolve the major confrontation in the game Ancient Powers. At first it looked really bad - outnummbered 8:1, and there as a certain degree of acrimony between the players and the GM that spilt over uncomfortably. Howeverby the end of the session, we emerged victorious although my character, Hamish was carrying the all-but dead body of his true love out of the battle. Despite the obvious solution of embracing her - which he refused he instead choose another path. He plans diabolize her, and then kill himself in the hopes that it will finally break the cycle that he in anger set her into. All in all alot of angst, and hopefully a great scene for the final moments of Hamish's life next week.

At the evening (the person I cannot name in my blog) and I had an actually good dinner at the Royal Fork Buffet and then went to Matt's place to watch is primetime debut on the WB Network.

All in all - a good weekend.

Afterglow
It's over, and I'm still not entirely certain what happened last night at the Purgatory game, but I am pretty sure that the political landscape of the city has irrevocably changed.

It's funny, after games like these players may come up to us and say, "Good Game" and we have to appreciate that beacuse we have absolutley no concept as to how things are actually playing out in the minds of the players.

Well... it's alomst 6pm, time to get ready to have Greek food in celebration of Eman's birthday, and then off to The Roost for dancing in celebration of Dave's birthday.

Illness 101
I hate being sick. I hate the rundown, lethargic almost listless feeling I get when I get really sick, and yesterday I felt it start to kick in... so I stayed home a slept. I pretty much slept until 2:00pm, then peetered around on the computer for a bit, then had another nap, then went to BP's. And today I'm feeling better - but now I really want a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

This caffiene-withdrawl headache is a bitch mind you, although it should place me in just the right mood to play Lord Carafax, the Prince of Durham and the regional Lord of the Tremere Clan.

I can't wait for tonight.

Lub Dub - A 3 Hour Quest
So I spent three hours at the Royal Alexandra Hospital today. Yesterday, I had expereinced some tightness in my chest and intermittent pain, I figured my athsma was just acting up and that I must have pulled something when I had slipped on the ice earlier in the day. But when I woke up in the middle of the night to an irregular heartbeat and a pounding pulse. I pretty much deceided that I needed to goto the hospital.

After the two hour wait I finally got in. And to quote the doctor, "It's troublesome, but not worrisome." and I've been ordered to cut myself off caffine - immediately. Caffine and Stress induced arrythmia. (Sigh)

Anyways, I'm behind on Purgatory turns... gotta run.

Stepping Back
It's funny how things work out. I'm fairly certain that my character in Ancient Powers will be dying in during the upcoming act... and given the setup for it, it will prove to be dynamic, cinematic, and will hopefully allow my character to go full circle. I'm happy that it will be such a violent and epic death and I may even be able to use True Love as a merit! I've played Hamish for a very long time, and he is without a doubt the most angsty character I have played. It will be nice to see him at peace with himself for once.

My Star Wars game on the other hand isn't working out so well. I'm not certain entirely what it is with me in that gaming group but again I don't seem to be meshing with the rest of them. It happens periodically where I'll bash heads with someone in that group, we'll have a blow up and things will improve. But at this point I have pretty much come to the conclusion that /I/ am the common denominator in each of these equations. So I think I'm about ready to take my leave of the game. I guess it's simply a matter of too many 'little things' getting under my skin. (Sigh)

Minor Update
Fixed a broken link or two and removed a lollyblogger, added a few more links.

IC/OOC: The Blurring
I think I'm going to make a new WoD Chronicle and name it after my heading. I'd like to think that most of the people I 'game' with are mature adults, capable of seperating what is real in life and what is fiction, in a game.

But recently, I've begun to notice more and more people unable to seperate game from reality and let pitched emotions towards a character in game carry forward into real life emotion towards the player.

Hmmm.... I may have to pick up my 'No' gun from the shop and make sure it's loaded. This upcoming Purgatory game is going to be an emotional roller coaster for some people and I hope that those involved will be able to keep it all IC.

I'd hate for a repeat of the stress that nearly caused me to walk away from Purgatory: The Price of Indulgence last year.

12 Step Program Time?
Hello, My name(handle) is Lazarus, and I have a problem: I game too much.

For a week (or more) every month I do little else other than dedicate my evenings to Purgatory: All The World’s A Stage, run by myself, Dave and our recent addition to the team Anne. I really enjoy running it, although for a little while I felt I was simply playing second fiddle to Dave – but recently I’ve stepped up my participation and I am getting at least as much as I put into it.

My character “Errol Alfred Saxe-Coburg” has recently taken the position of Seneschal in Halifax Nights, a monthly WoD Vampire chronicle that is currently looking for more players. I think we have a decent base of players but there has been some dwindling in activity that may have reduced the game below the point where it will sustain itself for the most part – but I’m working on kicking that up a notch now that I am all but in-charge. ?

I narrate for Shani’s monthly, WoD Werewolf game Seeds of Promise and play “Desmond (Longwalker) MacBaird” a gregarious, outspoken and seceretly-scared Fianna Galliard who is very much in over his head.

I play “Mugsy” in Honour Thy Father, an Angels monthly chronicle where ‘the mobsters’ are a group of tightly knit Nephilim that nobody quite takes seriously – at their own peril.

I am committing to play an Infernal Faith character in Cori’s ongoing, monthly Angels game – though I have yet to corner her to make it happen.

Okay... that’s the live games I participate in.. now lets do tabletop.
Sun AM: World of Darkness - Vampire Tabletop Chronicle known as ‘Ancient Powers’
- Hamish Aaron Stuart, 800 year old, 6th Generation Toreador, nominally Camarilla (closet Sabbat sympathiser) with his broodmates.
Sun PM: WEG d6 StarWars Tabletop Campaign – currently untitled (run every 2nd week)
- Varin Lanthrym, XO of the Eagle-Class Cutter ‘Courageous’, expert gunner, budding leader.
- Nevoa Narra, Bosun’s Mate of the Eagle-Class Cutter ‘Courageous’, investigator.
Mon PM: AEG 7th Sea
– Dr. Alic vanderMokk, Apprentice ‘Snedig’ Swordsman, Ordained Objectionist Priest, Ship Surgeon and the moral conscience of “Her Best Face Forward” an Avalon Privateer.
Tue PM – Nothing
Wed PM – Firefly (FATE System), run 2 nights a month (on non Purgatory weeks).
- Tyson Chin, Pilot of the Downward Spiral, and an exiled Idealist .
Thu PM – BP’s on Whyte
Fri PM – Generally Live Gaming
Sat AM – Nothing
Sat PM – Generally Live Gaming


Help?

Religion, Marriage & Sex
One of my employees blindsided me with an announcement that she was getting engaged. After I picked myself off the floor and offered my congratulations, I asked for more details. She told me that she was going to travel back to Jordan to meet her aunt and be re-introduced to a person who had expressed an interest in courting her. I like #### and I think that she is a wonderful person, who needs to find someone she cares for and who cares for her rather than finding somone the family would find acceptable. She had turned down a betrothal to a Christian man (that she cared for deeply), because he was Christian and while her immediate family would be supportive, she would be shunned by her extended family - something she wishes to avoid.

In Alabama, I noticed that the vast majority of women 18-30 had rings on: promise, engagement, or wedding I do not know. But I cannot help but think even though Alabama was in the heart of the Baptist Bible Belt, that most of those women, throw themselves into relationships for all the wrong reasons; to legitmize thier desire for physicial intimacy and beacuse socoety deems it to be proper. However, teen pregnancy is not substaially less common in Alabama (15th Ranked) than it is in Calfornia (7th Ranked) with 7 less pregnancies per thousand women under 18. So really, people are getting hitched or engaged or getting a promise ring so that sexual ativity can be 'excused' should they get caught, followed by a quick wedding (and likely divorce).

I'm really quite upset that #### won't likley be able to marry for love. If she wants a husband and children (which she does), then she must marry a Muslim man, or forfiet the relations with her extended family - and those who may fall for her who have the misfortune of not being Muslim, will never be able to win her hand, even if they do win her heart.

How very saddening, that religion and cultural intolerlances will dictate such disrespect for other cultures, even though every major faith preaches tolerance, acceptance, and love for eachother.

Each person is the master of their own faith, and must walk thier own path. It is not for a pastor, preacher, reverend, imam or monk to tell you what to beleive, oir how to manifest or pratice your faith. I strongly feel that individuals must rely upon thier interepretation of scripture. Their pastors, et al can mentor and help them discover thier faith, but once found it is thiers.

Faith is a wonderful thing - that I have never questioned but faith is personally empowering, and soemthing that exists between that person and the higher power. Religion however can easily turn faith into a weapon, and interpose an intermediary between you and your deity. Turning faith against the faithful, and religions against eachother.

Will we ever learn from our past mistakes and respect eachother?

"Every religion emphasizes human improvement, love, respect for others, sharing other people's suffering. On these lines every religion had more or less the same viewpoint and the same goal."
- The Dalai Lama

Education
April noted that someone had commented to the ATA that our teachers spend too much time 'thinking' and tinktering with the education system.

To that man I have little to say, except that perhaps he should goto the United States to look at an education system in shambles. I had the occassion to speak (while on the plane to Birmingham) with a retired Arizona school teacher, who now lives in Sweetgrass, MT the bordertown on the US side of the Alberta/Montana border.

The US Education system is in in shambles for an utter lack of credibility of thier testing and educational systems, when combined with a lack of curriculum controls and vast discrepancies in the quality of education the teachers themselves received! At least our teachers get together and compare notes so that for the most part our teachers on the same proverbal page!

Sweet Home Alabama Alberta

Racism: I am glad to be home, if I have learned one thing in the past week it how good we have it here in Canada, and regardless of how ‘redneck’ a province we may think we live in, it is nothing when compared to the southern United States. I couldn’t live there – the racial undertones in everything is a part of the fabric of the southern culture – a racial qualifier is added to nearly every sentence as a required part of speech. (ie. A nice black man, a attractive Hispanic girl, etc.) as opposed to (a nice man, an attractive girl).

Airport Security: We got off the plane in Minneapolis-St.Paul and had breakfast at Chilli’s. TheLindberg Terminal has a shopping center with food courts for the passengers, located within the ‘secured’ area of the airport, past the baggage checks, and x-ray machines. So when I ordered my bacon and eggs – I got given a normal flatware table knife... and they had steak and eggs on the menu... how much you want to bet that I would have gotten a steak knife for those? The waste of money fighting ‘the last war’ is enormous – there isn’t going to be another hijacking of that nature again... there have been fatal beatings of people experiencing air rage, does anyone actually think someone is going to try hijacking an airliner with box cutters again? Does anyone think they would not get subdued by the rest of the passengers? Suggestion to the US and Canadian governments, put those billions of dollars into port control and border protection rather than throwing money at a non existent problem. Oh wait! Every city has an airport.... and only costal cities have ports, and few of the coastal states are ‘swing states’ hmmm I wonder if politics is behind this.

Security Blanket: I've done some thinking and conlcuded I'm not ready to move on outside my security blanket. Spending a week away from my girlfriend, friends, coworkers, employees - with only my family around me was excruciating. I think I'm still an Edmonton boy for a while.

Alabama Bound!
YIKES! Running out of time.
(Sigh) I had hoped to do a major update before running to the states for a week. Oh well, maybe I can do it while I'm on holidays.