Life Is Not Purgatory
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
WARNING: Reader Discretion Advised
The above warning is no joke; today’s topic is the single largest hot-button topic in my life. I have a tendency to be protective, perhaps even over protective of my friends. I admit this, freely and openly and I would rather annoy my friends by being a mother-hen than stand idly by as something catastrophic happens.
In my life, I have encountered large number of acquaintances that have been the victims of a rape or other form of sexual abuse. I have helped more than one friend through the horrific troubles that such an event will inevitably cause. The emotional trauma of such an event is simply beyond male comprehension as much as I can empathize with my friends, I will never be able to truly understand the vicious circle of pain and suffering that any woman in that situation must go through, all I can be is a shoulder to cry on.
I personally view rape and similar crimes (child molestation, and the like) as capital crimes. While the justice system of our land takes a much weaker view, I do not fault the judges or lawyers, I fault the politicians – whom either should lock the perpetrators of these crimes away for life, or execute them. The likes of Paul Bernardo, who is on video tape raping two young women, should not have the right to consume the same oxygen that I or any other citizen does. Should anyone visit that horror upon my friends, or my family their life would be forfeit, even if that means my personal incarceration for 20 years.
This very nearly happened two days ago, when a friend of mine just barely escaped an attacker that forced his way into her apartment… while her sister dialled the police she was able to escape - when the ‘man’ then attacked the sister before fleeing the scene. The ‘man’ was eventually arrested – but not before he was successful in one of his attacks. The rage I feel is enormous… and I am completely impotent in dealing with it. Give me arbitrary power over life and death for a single day, and the world will be a much better place.
On the flip side, I have also been very aware of women using sex and sexual assault as a weapon against men. Rape is a power word - it invokes a level of hatred in many that simply cannot exist in any other way. I have sat on a jury for a man accused of a sexual assault. The trial was very short, only 3-days. But the evidence was presented and the jury deliberated on the merits of the case… for less than thirty seconds. Of the eight women and four men on that jury, not a single one had any doubts that the accused was simply NOT GUILTY of the crime, he should never, never, have come to trial. We all agreed that it was a nasty, vicious case of spite and jealousy. He had had sex with her (in a moment of personal weakness) but refused to commit to a relationship and so she concocted a story of him forcing himself upon her while they were both drunk and incoherent.
The mans life was destroyed. His family deserted him; he lost his job through contrived reasons when they learned of the charges against him, and he suffered an incredible torment through the near-destruction of his new relationship and his subsequent child. (He was charged almost 3 years after the alleged assault). I look back at this event and cannot help to think of the possibility of abuse of that very powerful word, in the hands of a spiteful and bitter individual. I have run into him three times since the trial and each time we have talked, finally years after the trial he has finally gotten his life back on track… but the woman still asserts that she was raped, and that he got off on a technicality – but I was there… I saw the ‘evidence’… and yet he is still haunted by a ghost of the past that is not of his own creation.
In my professional life the mere allegation of any kind of sexual harassment is sufficient grounds for me to be terminated from my place of employment, and no place of business would hire a man with that particular sword hanging over his head. I have seen that happen as well.
In my personal life, the fear of getting involved with a woman whom turns out to be bitter, vindictive and capable of making such a false accusation is always in the back of my mind. Regardless of how small the likelihood of such, this fear has more than once interfered in my relationships to some degree.
It is a difficult thing to worry about - but that very powerful word always seems to be on the back of my mind… on both sides of the issue. I am not certain why I posted this... hmm... but I think its important, even if this is introduced as evidence of pre-meditation in my future murder trial.
The above warning is no joke; today’s topic is the single largest hot-button topic in my life. I have a tendency to be protective, perhaps even over protective of my friends. I admit this, freely and openly and I would rather annoy my friends by being a mother-hen than stand idly by as something catastrophic happens.
In my life, I have encountered large number of acquaintances that have been the victims of a rape or other form of sexual abuse. I have helped more than one friend through the horrific troubles that such an event will inevitably cause. The emotional trauma of such an event is simply beyond male comprehension as much as I can empathize with my friends, I will never be able to truly understand the vicious circle of pain and suffering that any woman in that situation must go through, all I can be is a shoulder to cry on.
I personally view rape and similar crimes (child molestation, and the like) as capital crimes. While the justice system of our land takes a much weaker view, I do not fault the judges or lawyers, I fault the politicians – whom either should lock the perpetrators of these crimes away for life, or execute them. The likes of Paul Bernardo, who is on video tape raping two young women, should not have the right to consume the same oxygen that I or any other citizen does. Should anyone visit that horror upon my friends, or my family their life would be forfeit, even if that means my personal incarceration for 20 years.
This very nearly happened two days ago, when a friend of mine just barely escaped an attacker that forced his way into her apartment… while her sister dialled the police she was able to escape - when the ‘man’ then attacked the sister before fleeing the scene. The ‘man’ was eventually arrested – but not before he was successful in one of his attacks. The rage I feel is enormous… and I am completely impotent in dealing with it. Give me arbitrary power over life and death for a single day, and the world will be a much better place.
On the flip side, I have also been very aware of women using sex and sexual assault as a weapon against men. Rape is a power word - it invokes a level of hatred in many that simply cannot exist in any other way. I have sat on a jury for a man accused of a sexual assault. The trial was very short, only 3-days. But the evidence was presented and the jury deliberated on the merits of the case… for less than thirty seconds. Of the eight women and four men on that jury, not a single one had any doubts that the accused was simply NOT GUILTY of the crime, he should never, never, have come to trial. We all agreed that it was a nasty, vicious case of spite and jealousy. He had had sex with her (in a moment of personal weakness) but refused to commit to a relationship and so she concocted a story of him forcing himself upon her while they were both drunk and incoherent.
The mans life was destroyed. His family deserted him; he lost his job through contrived reasons when they learned of the charges against him, and he suffered an incredible torment through the near-destruction of his new relationship and his subsequent child. (He was charged almost 3 years after the alleged assault). I look back at this event and cannot help to think of the possibility of abuse of that very powerful word, in the hands of a spiteful and bitter individual. I have run into him three times since the trial and each time we have talked, finally years after the trial he has finally gotten his life back on track… but the woman still asserts that she was raped, and that he got off on a technicality – but I was there… I saw the ‘evidence’… and yet he is still haunted by a ghost of the past that is not of his own creation.
In my professional life the mere allegation of any kind of sexual harassment is sufficient grounds for me to be terminated from my place of employment, and no place of business would hire a man with that particular sword hanging over his head. I have seen that happen as well.
In my personal life, the fear of getting involved with a woman whom turns out to be bitter, vindictive and capable of making such a false accusation is always in the back of my mind. Regardless of how small the likelihood of such, this fear has more than once interfered in my relationships to some degree.
It is a difficult thing to worry about - but that very powerful word always seems to be on the back of my mind… on both sides of the issue. I am not certain why I posted this... hmm... but I think its important, even if this is introduced as evidence of pre-meditation in my future murder trial.
